My testimony is one of the power of God’s love to save, heal and restore.
I was raised in a Christian family, going to church on Sundays was no new thing to me and prayer was something my parents instilled in me from a young age. I had all this religion, but I was never taught the concept of relationship.
In 2007, I was 10 years old and my father began to pursue his political dreams abroad. This meant that I saw less and less of him as I entered into adolescence. I missed him a lot. Each time he travelled, I would wave him goodbye and cry. My mother comforted me and so did my older siblings, but it didn’t take away the pain. We’d speak on the phone and he’d tell me he loved me. I knew he did, but it didn’t make up for his absence and not being able to spend quality time with him. He missed out on so many major milestones in my life such as birthdays & achievements and this made me turn resentful and bitter towards him in my heart. Not having a stable, consistent male figure in my life as I entered my teenage years created a void in me. I began to look to the world to fill that void.
In 2011, at the tender age of 14 I entered into my first relationship. I was young and naïve but I believed that it would fill the void and give me the lasting love I was searching for. Of course I was disappointed. One failed relationship after another left me emptier and more broken than the last. It was a vicious cycle that I had got myself into. Chasing after sensuality became a lifestyle and my motives and desires were all centered on satisfying myself. At this point church was just a duty, something I’d tick off the list to feel moral and holy, but there was still no personal knowledge of Jesus Christ.
In 2013, At the age of 17 I met a guy online. He wasn’t perfect but he was really really good to me. He told me that he loved me and I really believed that he was the one. I put everything into this relationship because I had convinced myself that it would be my last. (how naive of me). I committed to saving sex for marriage; not for God but because I was religious and prideful, but this didn’t stop me from letting him into my heart. He knew my dreams and desires, my past and my pains. He knew me more than anyone else did.
In 2014, I had an encounter with Jesus, He convicted me of my sin and showed me how much I needed to accept him as my Lord and Saviour. So I decided to repent and put my faith completely in Jesus. I thought things would get easier, but they got harder first. As I got closer to God by reading the bible and prayer, He started changing my desires.. but I resisted Him! The Holy Spirit warned me severally through dreams to get out of the relationship I was in, but because of the fear of loneliness, rejection and not being loved, I disobeyed.
Shortly after this, the relationship started FALLING APART. His heart began to turn cold towards me and tension rose. We argued more than ever before and then one night it came to a bitter end. I cried the whole night. A cry of relief because within me I knew it was for the best, but also a cry of utter pain because I had been rejected once more and left empty.
I was broken and emotionally drained. I considered committing suicide severally, but in God’s great mercy, He drew me towards himself once again and I cried out for His help. I then came to the realisation of how this all began with a search for love. That night God the Father showed me true love in that while I was still a sinner, he sent Jesus to die for me (Romans 5:8). He comforted and reassured me that he would never leave or forsake me and so I decided to rededicate my life to him. I fully surrendered to Jesus that night and October 27 2015 is the night I truly began to walk with the Lord.
Over the next few months, He taught me my true identity and restored and healed every void area that was in my heart.
I have now been able to forgive my father and I am no longer bitter. I am no longer searching for love, because I know love, God is love. I no longer date casually because I have discovered how much I am worth in Christ Jesus. I no longer fear rejection because I know my heavenly Father accepts me. Because God has forgiven me, I have been able to forgive myself for all of my wrongs, and the life I now live I live by faith in Jesus, the one who loves me, and gave himself up for me.
My prayer is that this will encourage someone who has been hurt by family, friends and even past relationships. God is our healer and is able to restore and repair every damaged and broken area of our lives. Choose to place your trust in him, get to know him personally, and He will heal you.